The Holy Exams

Yes if this blog was a garden it would be all dead plants, brown and dull because yes I know I abandoned it. So you how I told you I had just finished a job in filing, well things are going well because I know started working in a bank. For the time being that is. Because well in my life nothing seems to be permanent and when I say nothing I mean nothing. Unfortunately I’m actually enjoying this job especially because of an awesome colleague who I’m getting along splendidly with; in fact she’s kind of substituting for not seeing my friends at all right now. Oh yeah, by the way I have my exams this week (God have mercy on our souls AGAIN) So anyone reading this I’d appreciate your prayers, these are not just any other exams I’ve done these same type of exams for the past 3 years and failed by a hair every frickin time! I need this. Really. So after my exams are over I’m hoping to enjoy my summer as much as I can UNTIL I receive my results that is. Anyway, I have no inspiration to piss and moan more right now, so

Peace out,

A xxxx

20.03.2011

So I haven’t posted anything here in a while, I was working full time as a filing ‘slave’ in an Alaskan like garage for the first two months of the year and then I had a good, and at the same time tumultuous weekend in Gozo for Carnival before I had to go in for my Sinus operation on the 10th March. Since that date I've been spending my days in bed watching movies as per usual because after the operation I had to go in again as my face swelled up like a balloon due to blood clots still left in my nose passage ways. As you can imagine it was less than a good feeling knowing that an operation that I should have recuperated from in 2 days took more than a week of taking antibiotics three times a day, and me breathing from my mouth up till now I guess. But thanks to medicine, God and prayers I’m feeling much better. It’s amazing how people you thought were totally out of your life find a way to crawl back and remind you that they’re still there for you even by just a text message or a comment on Facebook. And most importantly my most precious gems my parents were literally by my side through all the pain, which made me realise how much worse pain must feel to anyone who’s alone in this world, making me appreciate how anyone who has one or both their parents constantly present in their life and everything they do. Anyways, hoping for a much speedier recovery now so I can go on with my life that is – go out in the weekend for me *wink wink*.

Peace out,
A xxx

Headaches

So it’s been quite a while since I’ve had time to write here because I’m working all week from 8 to 5, got to make money to fill my wardrobe even more than it already is! But today was memorable day, not in a good way believe me but in the worst way possible for me because I woke up with one of my traditional throbbing migraines. It was like I was massively hung-over yet without the joys of alcohol. I in fact had to leave work early as I couldn’t even see properly and the light was like daggers to my head. I swear it’s the moment when I realise one of my migraines is coming that I seriously want to kill myself! Honestly the only silver lining about these migraines is that I stop thinking about everything which well if I think about is the reason I get these headaches in the first place. Thinking too much, over-thinking about everything. It makes me think that one line from Lady Antebellum’s song “Need You Now” actually makes a lot of sense, “Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all”. I mean love may hurt. Well not MAY hurt but it does hurt one way or another. Believe though I’m really trying not to give up on the concept of me being in love and when I feel like I’m going to I remember this sort of anecdote I received from a friend when I was about 15 years old.

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enoughto climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

Everything's So Blurry....

Time to Say Goodbye.....For Now

7^th January 2011. We’ve been hearing about this date since the beginning of last year and it seemed so far away at the time. But it’s here and practically gone. This afternoon 2 of my dearest friends and another good friend were on a plane to Holland as part of the Erasmus University project. They’re spending 3 months studying and practicing in one of the country’s hospitals as radiographers. Although this is going to be surely a great, fulfilling experience for them helping them in their future careers, all they were thinking about these past days was how much they were going to miss their friends, family, boyfriends, their room and of course our little, Mediterranean island, Malta. I honestly admire them for doing this; I’ve never even been out of the country, not even for a holiday, so for me to be away from my home would definitely break me down. Maruska, is my oldest friend of the three that left now, I’ve known her since we were about 14 but we grew closer when we were 16 and went to Junior College, since then we grew to consider each other the best of friends, we’ve been through a lot of experiences over these 4 years mostly, we’ve cried together, we’ve laughed even more together, we’ve fought over practically nothing and laughed at ourselves afterwards.  In other words not seeing her for 3 months is going to be quite tough like not seeing a sister. Roberta, is a friend I made through Maruska and most probably the person with whom it took the least amount of time for me to become friends with. You know sometimes you meet someone you don’t know and start talking to them and never stop. That’s how I immediately became her friend, could be because we’ve got a lot of things in common but also a lot of things we disagree on that make it such a balanced friendship. All I know is not meeting her every weekend and her not coming over every now and then to sleepover is going to be quite a bummer. And the worst thing about it is it was these past 3 months that I really started to realise how much I was going to miss her too. The other girl that is now in Holland, Martina, I got to know her during Physics private lessons while in Junior College and we immediately got along very well maybe because we have quite a common sense of humour and we’re also two quite loud girls so I enjoy causing chaos with her. To conclude probably my longest blog yet goodbyes are not easy on anyone but if it wasn’t for farewells we wouldn’t now the joy of welcoming someone back and also sometimes it takes being away from someone to realise just how much they mean to you. And on a positive note, this is not forever it’s just goodbye…. for now.

         Maruska & Me The 1st of many photos we have together

Roberta & Me recently on a sunny day at Imdina

Martina & Me on their Farewell night 2 days ago

The Fray

So I'm the kind of person who wakes up in the morning with the mood for certain type of music or band. This morning's mood was The Fray - one of my all-time favourite bands. When I talk about them it's like I'm the girl talking about her current lover. Their music makes me feel happy. Warms up my heart. Makes me cry. Makes me scream. Sometimes helps me realise things I never thought I even felt. Maybe you think it's too much but consider the artist/s you love and really think about how their music is like a friend who has been there for you through a lot of different moments and stages in your life. Like Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche once said "Without music life would be a mistake."

I also came across this fun questionnaire you can do for kicks by answering the questions only with titles of a certain band's songs. Here it is -

Chosen band: The Fray
1. Are you male or female: She is
2. Describe yourself: Over my head
3. How do some people feel about you: Dead Wrong
4. How do you feel about yourself: Unsaid
5. Describe your family: Together
6. Where would you rather be: Vienna
7. Describe what you want to be: Dixie
8. Describe how you live: Uncertainty
9. Describe how you love: Never Say Never
10. Describe what you hate: We Build Then We Break

I leave you with one of my favourite Fray songs although not the post popular one "Look After You", the words just speak to me as I hope they speak they'll speak to you if you really listen.

Tune out,
A xxx

Changes.

So I guess everyone knows yesterday was New Year’s Day and everyone was busy recovering from their hangovers due to the binging of the night before. But I, being under the curse of New Year’s Eve was in bed blowing my nose trying to recuperate from the massive headache I had. Unfortunately not because I drank too much but because I got sick exactly on the morn of 31^st December. To tell you truth I wasn’t surprised as something always goes wrong for me on NYE, something that manages to stop me from enjoying my night. Before going out I only felt exhausted until we headed to this club and I seriously felt like someone was smacking me in the head with a baseball bat with every beat, and every flash of UV light flashing on and off. Watching everyone pouring booze in their glasses and having a good time I was asking myself why I am always the only one who has to be such a downer on the Eve of the start of a new year! I’m starting to think that it’s an omen from God telling me to not plan to have fun and let my hair down during the year until he shows me what he has in store for me.

Now on the something that everyone hears about these days – resolutions. Since I change my mind from night to day I decided that it’s useless to make a resolution for the whole year. I’m just too flaky and confused. So instead I decided to keep in mind a quote I came across these past days which is in my opinion a very good philosophy for a peaceful life: God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

Wishing everyone a better year than the past one,

A xxx